What's Next?

 For 18 years I've been thinking about what's next for this beautiful, challenging child. The next milestone, the next need, my next mothering task.

The next ultrasound

The next bottle

His next nap

A new toy

A speech therapist

The next exercise

A more challenging puzzle

His next birthday party

Longer pants - again so soon

The next Calvin and Hobbes to keep him reading

Set up the sensory gym to keep him moving

The next playdate 

Prepare myself for the next tantrum

Sign up for clay camp

Find him a school

Therapy exercises

Foster a dog

Gluten free baking

Outdoor Adventures

His next computer

A new phone

His driver permit, and practice times

Look at colleges

Make pancakes tomorrow

Call 911

Answer the questions and questions and questions

Call his dad, his sister, his grandma with the worst news of their lives.

Choose a funeral home

Wait for the coroner to call

Take him an outfit

Say a final goodbye

Set a date for the service

Plane tickets

Rental car

Fly

Hug my daughter

Ask for help

Light a candle

Plan the service

Make a program

Buy flowers

 Write his story

Thank people for coming, for caring, for loving my son

Until now. 

The people have left.

The flowers are distributed.

The bags are packed, we're going home.

But what do I do now? What can I do for my son? How do I mother him next? 

Comments

  1. John BuckFebruary 27, 2022 at 8:43 PM

    Holding you tight with a cyber hug, Karen. I haven't left. I'm there when the next wave of grief rolls over you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Suzy SharpMarch 1, 2022 at 5:45 AM

    🥲🤗🥲🤗🥲🤗🥲🤗

    ReplyDelete
  3. StephanieMarch 2, 2022 at 3:58 PM

    LOVE LOVE LOVE...what you embody best

    ReplyDelete
  4. hayleyMarch 3, 2022 at 9:31 AM

    So much love that cradles you as you cradle him. That never ends.

    ReplyDelete
  5. CelesteMarch 3, 2022 at 2:11 PM

    Hi Karen, Keeping you very close in thought and heart. You were so kind to Ian and me during your time working in Stephanie's brick and mortar practice. I always admired your strength and your unwavering resolve to help not only your own children, but our children........Stephanie's clients. That meant so much to me. Thank you for that gift. I will pray that you find a way to continue your journey helping people, as you helped your sweet Ryan. Deepest hugs! Celeste Alexander

    ReplyDelete

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