BasicOcean

 I don't know our Wifi password.  I always ask Ryan. I sort of know it. I could write it down. That would be efficient. But I prefer to ask him.  I like that he's in charge of that one important thing. It's nice to depend on him. It honors his near-adulthood in some way. So I have persistently not learned our Wifi password. 

Today I need it. I need him. It's working exactly as I've intended, only today he is not here for me to depend on. Today the password is one more dark place in a great big sea of emptiness where he should be. 

So I found a way to ask him. I searched through more than a year of texts about dinner plans and "I'm busy with friends. I'll just make my own." and "Thanks mom." and "We just landed." And in the midst of everyday life, I found the moment when I had asked him for the password and he told me: BasicOcean

I'll write it down now. I'll find a way to remember. And every time I need it, I'll think of him.  

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